What are you?

"Paul?"

"Mmh?"

"What are you?"

"… Sorry?"

"What are you?"

"Well, John, I'm a human being, in case you haven't noticed, and I'm a-"

"No, no. Idiot. I mean, what are you?"

"I'm not following ya, darling."

"Well, okay, put it this way; are you my boyfriend? 'Cause that sounds bloody stupid."

"Err, I don't know, Johnny. You decide?"

"Hm… Seeing as I'm in love with you 'n all, I suppose that qualifies you to being more than just me best mate, or 'some guy I occasionally shag'."

"Thanks, dear."

"You're most welcome."

"So, what am I then?"

"That's what I don't know!"

"How about... Lover?"

"Pfft. What are you, a girl?"

"No, I was thinking more like... Lover boy."

"Are you giving me your bedroom eyes, Paul?"

"Why, yes, I think I am."

"Well, stop it, they're distracting me. I'm trying to think here."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's hard, y'know."

"Well, let's just settle for boyfriend, then?"

"Do you want to be 'that guy I threw off the bloody balcony'?"

"Fucking hell, I was just kidding…"

"I wasn't."

"Lunatic."

"Hey, I think we're getting off track here!"

"You being a lunatic is never irrelevant."

"But you love it."

"Sometimes."

"Fucker."

"Have you decided what I am, then?"

"I told you, a fucker!"

"…"

"Oh! Oh, that. No."

"I could just be your Paul?"

"Hmm. My Paul. Yeah."

"Will you be my John, then?"

"I'd like that very much, yes."

"Good. Can we go to sleep now?"

"Mmh. Okay."